addicted to
i'm not here to win
i'm here to leave a legacy
why why why why why WHY!
it's the passion that drives you
endorphins
pain
exhaustion
chasing this insane dream
perfection
tagboard ;
guestbook
1. bread with MAYO. (SINCE WHEN DID I LIKE MAYO IT IS LIKE FATS IN A JAR.)
2. jacob's (damn nice) wheat crackers
3. cedele cookies and bread
4. rice
5. peanuts (AH WHY WHY WHY)
i have become a carbo junkie. AHH. high energy foods. high fat foods. wth man. i'm a blubber of flubber. i don't really know why there are such food items lying around in the house either... didn't use to have so much loot around. in any case, me is on a mission! to kill all the icky disgusting fats. DIE FATS DIE. i'm going to exterminate them like hitler massacred the jews. -whips out running shoes, bike and goggles- training is my best friend (: (sorry running shoes, you are now second place)
i think i lack the discipline i used to have. i guess it's partly cos i don't have a concrete goal to work toward like i used to. i really miss those days. schoolwork was suffering, but there was this sense of achievement and self-worth that i've never felt before. there is just something about punishing your body.. it is damn shiok. esp when you can go fast fast fast! and friggin beat the heck out of the people around. i miss the "30 laps around the track" workouts. or the "2hrs in macritchie" long runs. or the "10 x selarang hills" bike rides. but now i'm incompetent. hardly able to carry my heavy body.. keep myself afloat. it's a horrid feeling. and i guess this isn't the first time (there have been a few study/ sick breaks i've taken from training). but this is really the longest break i've taken and i'm bloody unfit! pissing me off...
everything is too different. i want things back the way they used to be. WHY. can't... things just have remained the same. why did you have to go why did this all have to happen. i guess in some sense i'm still living in denial. i will never be able to fully accept things. i don't know what to do now. i can't keep going on like this forever... somedays i wake up and it hits me again and i don't know what to do...
stomachache. mayo is bad for you.
today you weren't waiting where you usually do. maybe you've really left for good..
i'm a lunatic. RAHH.